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Loneliness can affect anyone at any age. In Loneliness Awareness Week (9-15 June), here are some tips for coping with loneliness, understanding the causes and how to manage loneliness to stop feeling lonely.
What causes loneliness?
Research from the Campaign to End Loneliness shows that chronic loneliness can increase the risk of early mortality by 26% and heighten the chances of developing coronary heart disease and stroke. Loneliness is often felt by people who feel their need for social connection is not met. They may feel ‘cut off’ from society.
A mental health illness can increase feelings of loneliness. You can have anxiety, be withdrawn and as a result avoid social activities you would normally enjoy. This can be a vicious circle with loneliness actually exacerbating mental health issues.
A bereavement, moving to a new area, job loss, becoming a new parent, a relationship break up/divorce, disability, frailty or financial issues can all cause feelings of loneliness.
Financial worries can also cause you to see people less often for fear of spending too much money. You may experience ill health and have home care needs but feel like you do not want to be a burden to others by asking for help.
‘Months and months I didn’t really speak to anybody’
Furniture maker Mark suffered a stroke that ended his working life. He then lived with and cared for his mother, who had dementia, until she died. Mark then moved house and lived alone.
“There were months and months where I didn’t really speak to anybody,” he recalls. “I felt like I did it all on my own, but I was stuck at home a lot, and it made me feel inadequate.”
Depression followed, and then a second stroke. But because Mark could still function in basic ways, no formal support was given. It wasn’t until 2023, more than a decade after his stroke, that Mark’s sister convinced him to get help, and he began having regular home care visits from Caremark.
Mark says “I felt I could do it all on my own. [Having home care]. . . was a little bit weird at first, but I get on well with my care assistants now. “I’ve been meeting new people, getting out more. They take me to a day centre now. I do woodwork there and cooking, which I used to love.
“I still feel a bit lonely sometimes. But I’m more open now. I enjoy the company — being with people with similar interests.”
What to do to stop feeling lonely?
You may feel powerless when it comes to tackling loneliness but here are 10 top loneliness tips.
10 tips for coping with loneliness
1. Open up to people about how you feel
Don’t suffer in silence. Be frank and honest with yourself and others about just how lonely you feel.
2. Identify the root cause of your loneliness
Try to figure out the reason why you are feeling lonely. It could be because of a bereavement, a relationship break up, discrimination, disability, financial struggles, a mental illness, retirement, a job or home move. You may already know why but sometimes the cause is not so clear. Once you have identified a cause for your loneliness you can begin to tackle it.
3. Address the cause of loneliness
There are many different causes for loneliness, which require different actions. If you are struggling financially, and it is impacting your social life and wellbeing, seek financial help. The Red Cross has a list of organisations that can help you with financial difficulty.
If you’re going through a relationship break up/ divorce, consider ways to meet new friends. Consider dating, if you feel comfortable enough.
If you are struggling to cope after a bereavement, bereavement counselling is available. Cruse Bereavement Support offers support via its telephone line 0808 8808 1677.
You may have faced discrimination which might be making you isolate yourself. Reach out for help by contacting people who could help you stop the discrimination, e.g. helplines, a trusted friend, the police.
If you have a mental health illness, get support by contacting a MIND helpline and visit your GP. If you feel suicidal, Samaritans are open 24/7 for anyone who needs to talk 116 123 (freephone).
If you are struggling with a specific disability or health condition, check out this list of charities and organisations, who can help.
4. Consider talking therapies
If you feel like you want to talk to someone about your feelings of loneliness and how to tackle it, there are talking therapies such as counselling services you can turn to.
The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) is a professional body for talking therapy and counselling. It provides information and a list of accredited therapists.
5. Make new social connections and be in the presence of others
Social connections can be made in person or online. Meetup.com is a website that helps people find face-to-face groups of people who share the same interests or aspirations. Consider joining a club or society. This could involve taking up old or new hobbies playing virtual games with others online or joining a local walking group. You can find a walking group on www.ramblers.org.uk.
You may find that going to environments where there are lots of people can help with coping with loneliness. For example, coffee shops, parks, libraries or shopping centres. Listening to the chatter of others and experiencing the presence of others near you may help, even if you feel you do not want to talk to anyone.
Another way to do this is by attending a local parkrun which you can do by visiting www.parkrun.org.uk. Parkruns are free, weekly, 5km runs taking place across the UK.
6. Consider home care
Experiences like Mark’s can be a wake-up call. “We must move away from the idea that care only begins when someone can no longer cope”, says David Glover, Caremark’s joint chief executive. “Sometimes, the most transformative thing we can offer isn’t physical help, it’s companionship.
“It’s noticing someone who’s slipping away and saying, ‘You matter.’ I am sure that there are people in every town in the UK suffering in silence because no one sees loneliness as urgent until it becomes medical.”
7. Establish a routine
When it comes to coping with loneliness, finding a routine that gives you structure can help give you a focus and bring interest to your day.
8. Volunteer to help others
Voluntary work is an admirable way of taking the focus away from you to others who may need help.
It is rewarding work which can boost a person’s self-esteem and confidence. If you cannot easily leave the house, this could involve signing up to befriend lonely people such as phoning elderly people via Silverline. Information about volunteering is provided by the National Council for Voluntary Organisations (NCVO).
9. Find ways to be comfortable in your own company
If you are feeling lonely, consider finding a new hobby/interest or rekindle an old hobby.
You may find great satisfaction in getting busy with solo pursuits such as painting, sketching, fishing, birdwatching or photography. Reading books can open up new worlds and experiences through the eyes of characters.
10. Don’t give up
If you have been feeling lonely for a long time, do not blame yourself or be too hard on yourself. It may seem like too big a leap to go out and meet new people but every big leap begins with a small step. The important thing is to never give up and keep trying!
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